Week 4: ELEMENTS

Breathing

When my two-year old begins to throw a tantrum, I often sit him down in a chair and ask him to take a deep breath. He usually continues squirming, hitting, screaming, or some other physical display of his disappointment and anger. Toddlers throw tantrums because they do not yet posses the same emotional valve that adults do that would help them gain perspective. The disappointment of “you will never eat cake again” would be similar to “you can’t eat a cupcake until after dinner” to a two-year old. And although I know this, my own temper rises when my son takes disappointment poorly. And while I am an adult and (according the parenting books I’ve read) I posses this emotional valve that my son lacks, these tantrums have the tendency to make me want to yell and stomp my feet if they happen too often or too long.

When my son does not take a deep breath when I ask him, I take one myself saying “like this.” I suck in my breath hold it for just an instant then blow it out slowly. I then do it again and then once more. I read once in a mediation exercise that “god exists between breaths.” Somewhere between my third inhalation and my third exhalation, love replaces my anger. Sometimes my son will take his own deep breath. But even if he doesn’t, I can now see that he is just disappointed and sad and I remember that I also get disappointed and sad and that anger would never help me get over my disappointment and sadness. This is just one door parenting invites me through.